Staying at home thoughts…week 3
Staying at Home Week 3
Each week is unique. We may feel scared, lonely, weary, bored. And yet, we’ve got it down. We’re putting one foot in front of the other. We’re finding moments of joy, and connection. But our minds try to understand or control it and our bodies feel it. I have heard poignant stories this week as we struggle to make sense of our experience.
This takes me back to Psychology 101 where we learned about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. The premise of the hierarchy is that the needs of each level must be satisfied in order to meet the needs of the next level. Each level has particular significance in our current worldwide pandemic. In my experience, it is helpful when we have a conscious understanding of what we are going through at difficult times like these.
- Basic – The basic needs are physiological needs of food, water, warmth and rest. The financial toll of the corona virus may jeopardize our ability to meet the physiological needs of our families. This is the primary concern for families who have lost their income, depend on school meals, or are isolated and unable to get food.
- Safety – The pandemic promotes fear about our collective and individual health. How do we explain to children that they cannot be near their grandparents now? Are their grandparents dangerous? Are they dangerous? What is this amorphous thing that has taken away our safety and altered so much about our everyday lives?
- Love and belonging – This is presenting particular challenges for many families. In my work, I have come to understand the profound importance of being physically close to other humans. In death and other losses particularly, people long for the physical presence of their loved one. In our social distancing world, we have lost every day physical body connections with many people. Facetime and Zoom simply do not replace this. On the other hand parents are the only physical connection for children. Fulfilling their need can feel overwhelming. Parents tell me there is NO BREAK in the demand. There are no boundaries for being needed. And parents may miss their own daily physical connections while being asked to give more.
- Esteem – Many people think of esteem as a commodity; something we either have or don’t have. Esteem is actually a verb. It is something that we all have the capacity to do. Someone with high self-esteem is a person that routinely tells themselves that they are OK, has compassion for themselves, encourages themselves to keep going through obstacles or following failure. Anyone can do this. No one is lacking this ability, and nothing can take that ability away from us, even coronavirus.
- Self-actualization – This is Maslow’s highest level. It means becoming the most we can be. In our new normal, this may be very different than it was before. I would offer up that to be self-actualized during these times is to be self-aware, which means acknowledging our feelings and esteeming ourselves to get through these difficult days.
